From the moment I turned 39 years old, I found myself mentally preparing for this day. I have been anxious, excited, and most of all, welcoming of its arrival. There were many things I started reflecting upon, like who I’ve been and where I see myself going and whom I see myself growing into. On some levels, I was happy but I knew there were areas that still need work.
As a child, we often dream about where our lives should be certain at appointed ages. I can honestly say I never pictured myself this far in age when I was young. Where I did see myself in the oldest age I could imagine was living in Paris as a famous painter, painting on some bridge in my beret, engrossed in the culture, and carefree. That was my ongoing dream. I was pretty decent artist so it didn’t seem too unfathomable.
Today, I am a wife (a second time), a mother of two, with a regular job and a side business, and I’ve never been to Paris. I painted my first painting about six weeks ago and realized the love to paint never escaped me. I’m currently looking to invest in paint supplies to begin this new hobby but old love. Instead of Paris, I ended up in the Navy, which changed my future of many of my family members. While I was dreaming, life happened.
It’s true what they say about knowing what you know at different ages of your life. I realized in my twenties, I didn’t know shit, although I thought I knew it all. At that time, it’s really the world as only I know it. I was a hot-headed know-it-all who swore to have been there and done that. In your thirties, you begin to understand what you’ve learned all those year; that you hadn’t lived enough life. You establish direction, sense of self, and choice of character. I calmed down, listened more and talked less. With blinders off, I realized I wasn’t as invincible as I thought.
With this new decade, I have I hopes and new dreams. My mind is more focused. I can see the forest and truly say I’ve seen good bit of these trees. What I foreseeable recognize is life is shifting back to me. I’m a wife and a mother of teens who will soon leave the nest, affording my husband and I more “we” time and myself more “me” time. Almost twenty years have been focused on caring for others. I see focus, growth, wisdom, freedom, and family expansion..hopefully toward the latter part of the decade of course. I don’t feel old, tired, or heading toward a hill.
So, I will not lie about my age because 40 is a great age to be. I will be open to and accept all that embodies 40. This is a great time and a look forward to the next stage of me. With God and my family, I believe all will be alright.