So you say you’re in love. He makes you feel on top of the world. You can feel your heart begin to explode with fire when you think of her. He is all your mind will allow you to focus on. Day in and day out, everything reminds you of her. You see a commercial he likes and you smile. You see a car like hers and look to see if she’s driving. You send a text, just see what he is doing. You tell the boys “not tonight, I got something to do”, because you want to see her again. Imagining his touch starts a chill and everything begins to tingle. Her silhouette, when you close your eyes. Ooooh, his scent. Mmmm, her fragrance. Intoxicating. Right now, I can not see myself with anyone else. Ooooh, this feeling.
When we say we are in love, we see all in that person we imagined could be. All of their faults mean nothing. Any differences, we can work them out. All we want to do is be with that them, because it feels so damn good. Your friends are telling you, ‘Slow down, pay attention. That’s not you!’. But you tell them to mind their business, the only person that has to live with this is me. Which is totally true. In some cases, we lose friends and family over being in love.
Being in love is deceiving. It leads you into a false sense of security, trust, and bad decision-making. I am not saying love is bad. No, not all. Love is a beautiful thing. Being in love is what will confuse you. How many times have you fallen in love? For most of us, more than once. Admit it. We find ourselves falling in and out of love all of the time. We often hear, “I just don’t love them anymore” or “The love is gone”. The reality is it was never love. Once it is gone, we find it unchallenging to move on to another. Some of you are looking for your next catch by Valentine’s Day right now!
To love is much different. Love is not something easily gained or lost. It does not ignore faults. It sees faults and embraces them. It does not only think of its gain, it is more concerned with the other. Love does not have personal agendas. It is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, as stated in the Holy Bible. I have heard people say, ‘I love them, but I am not in love with them’. Usually these people are confused as to the two. The fact is they may have love for them, do not love them. If you need them they may help you, if then can. If you call, they may answer. You have history, so they may not treat you badly. That is not love. That is history, respect, or love for them. They were correct in saying the ‘in love’ phase is gone, but there was never any real love.
Love is gained through time, committment, and trust. It is more than the one to two years, or more, courtship. It is so much more than considering finances, what your kids will look like, or what they bring to the table. It is waking up together, after the butterflies and explosions have subsided and you realize, I still can not live without you. It is not afraid of committment. It does not see who they are now, but who they will be in the future. It is committing to taking on the world, together. It does not fail. Being in love will lead you to failure, every time.
Companionship is a good thing. It is natural. It is how we choose our selective mates. Just understand our mate is not every tingly feeling that exposes itself to our hearts. Just as animals, our species’ mating ritual is to court our prey. Whether with gifts, money, time, or sweet talking. It is our nature. This does not mean we are to be the chosen mate. It only means we have jump-started our mating ritual. Wait until that feeling has subsided. Access the situation for what it really is. That is when you will know if its love.