So you say you’re in love.

I Think I'm Falling in Love With You

I Think I’m Falling in Love With You

So you say you’re in love. He makes you feel on top of the world. You can feel your heart begin to explode with fire when you think of her. He is all your mind will allow you to focus on. Day in and day out, everything reminds you of her. You see a commercial he likes and you smile. You see a car like hers and look to see if she’s driving. You send a text, just see what he is doing. You tell the boys “not tonight, I got something to do”, because you want to see her again. Imagining his touch starts a chill and everything begins to tingle. Her silhouette, when you close your eyes. Ooooh, his scent. Mmmm, her fragrance. Intoxicating. Right now, I can not see myself with anyone else. Ooooh, this feeling.

When we say we are in love, we see all in that person we imagined could be. All of their faults mean nothing. Any differences, we can work them out. All we want to do is be with that them, because it feels so damn good. Your friends are telling you, ‘Slow down, pay attention. That’s not you!’. But you tell them to mind their business, the only person that has to live with this is me. Which is totally true. In some cases, we lose friends and family over being in love.

Being in love is deceiving. It leads you into a false sense of security, trust, and bad decision-making. I am not saying love is bad. No, not all. Love is a beautiful thing. Being in love is what will confuse you. How many times have you fallen in love? For most of us, more than once. Admit it. We find ourselves falling in and out of love all of the time. We often hear, “I just don’t love them anymore” or “The love is gone”. The reality is it was never love. Once it is gone, we find it unchallenging to move on to another. Some of you are looking for your next catch by Valentine’s Day right now!

To love is much different. Love is not something easily gained or lost. It does not ignore faults. It sees faults and embraces them. It does not only think of its gain, it is more concerned with the other. Love does not have personal agendas. It is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, as stated in the Holy Bible. I have heard people say, ‘I love them, but I am not in love with them’. Usually these people are confused as to the two. The fact is they may have love for them, do not love them. If you need them they may help you, if then can. If you call, they may answer. You have history, so they may not treat you badly. That is not love. That is history, respect, or love for them. They were correct in saying the ‘in love’ phase is gone, but there was never any real love.

Love is gained through time, committment, and trust. It is more than the one to two years, or more, courtship. It is so much more than considering finances, what your kids will look like, or what they bring to the table. It is waking up together, after the butterflies and explosions have subsided and you realize, I still can not live without you. It is not afraid of committment. It does not see who they are now, but who they will be in the future. It is committing to taking on the world, together. It does not fail. Being in love will lead you to failure, every time.

Companionship is a good thing. It is natural. It is how we choose our selective mates. Just understand our mate is not every tingly feeling that exposes itself to our hearts. Just as animals, our species’ mating ritual is to court our prey. Whether with gifts, money, time, or sweet talking. It is our nature. This does not mean we are to be the chosen mate. It only means we have jump-started our mating ritual. Wait until that feeling has subsided. Access the situation for what it really is. That is when you will know if its love.


Love is the only reason..

Love in a BoxOne friend wanted to know a real good reason besides “love” to work things out!!” I Corinthians 13:4-7 defines love in its truest state. To start with loving someone, you must first have God completely in control of this relationship. Alignment with God is necessary to be aligned with a mate, otherwise it will fail. Then you must ask yourself if your relationship embodies the verses said with the person you are with to decide IF you truly love that person. If you can accomplish those things.. then love is all that matters. A relationship built on anything will fail..

Rob and I have now been together for five years. For about three of them, I repeatedly told him a relationship couldn’t survive on love alone. That we needed to be financially stable, he had to accomplish certain things, etc. Fact is, I was dealing with insecurity. Deep in me, I wasn’t ready for what he had to offer. I also knew he wasn’t ready either. We both had to grow in our own rights. None of which had anything to do with what really mattered.

We eventually began to grow closer in Christ. We did increase our church presence, but it wasn’t about that. We began to apply what our Pastor was teaching and found when we followed the Word, God blessed our relationship and I, for one, understood what love really meant for the first time. I truly embodies what the scripture says. Your tongue becomes tame, you don’t seek validation, you truly become one; realizing what is done to the other, is also done to you. My understanding of relationships have been elevated, hence my reason for marrying.

It is love that will get you through the money issues, failed jobs and accomplishments, and life changes. It is love that will keep you when your body changes or loss a limb. Change is inevitable, but love is constant. Rob’s parents taught him one of the keys to maintaining a relationship is “ensuring at least one person loves at all times”. It matters. If both stop loving, that’s the beginning of a failed relationship; or maybe it has already failed. Love helped us to change because we wanted the best for each other.

So I started with asking if you can accomplish I Corinthians 13:4-7 with this person. AND.. if this is the same thing received. If this is truly love, then your relationship is worth fighting for. In other words, there is no other reason but love, to work things out.