Beyond The Surface

I have this unique gift in seeing the gift in the beyond the surface. Tamar receives a lot of slack for her personality, as do I. My spirit tends to gravitate to more complex personalities, because I am too. Usually, there is some hurtful story that grew into a strong ending. On the surface, its really ugly, but dig a little and you find something immeasurably beautiful.


Seasons Change


So now you regret your decision. How convenient. After all the years and all of my tears, you want me back. As if you ever had me.


I was young. You were popular, funny, and everybody said you were a player. I kept my distance. Somehow we kept finding quiets moments to converse. The facade was fading. I was getting to know you. I knew I liked you. You were older. I knew I wasn’t ready. So I played the background. I watched as you juggled the bachelor life. You really didn’t notice me. I had some growing to do. I knew that. Over time, we grew as closer friends.


We both had just ended our relationships. We were free..and happy. We partied. We played spades. We laughed. We talked. About anything. And everything under the sun. We got to know each other intricately. Not sexually. Our thoughts became entangled as we bounced from music, to politics, and our lives histories. He likes Animal Planet. He’s allergic to seafood. I know things about this man, I am positive no other woman can. But, We both had just ended our relationships. We knew. He knew. Something was there. But he said take some time. Live a little. So I did.


We found fun with other people. We still played spades. We still talked. Now more than  before. I spent more time with him than his lady friends. I knew his schedule, where he hid his key, and password to his email. I finish his sentences. That drove him crazy. He taught me alot about men. He laughed at how well he taught me. Unknowingly. Our spirits..intertwined. Soul mates. Undeniably. I saw us grow. I was sure. It just made sense. I mentioned it to him. After all, we talked about everything. He said, it’s too soon. I wasn’t ready. Live some more. What will be will be.

I checked your email. There it was. You confessing your undying love for a ‘her’. You say its true, but we are and will always be friends. Ok. I let you have her. I must have made a mistake.


Your friend said you are married. About three months ago. I laugh. That’s a joke. He would have called. He would have called me. He would have told me something like this. When I talked to you, you said its true. Wow. What do you say? I don’t know how to feel.  Why do I feel anything? I was always the friend. So I choose to feel nothing. How dare I assume the connection was real. Congratulations. I hope she makes you happy. Time passes. She doesn’t. A Nightmare. 365 Day Bridezilla. Now you realize it was me all along.

I finish his sentences. That drives him crazy. He taught me a lot about men. He now regrets how well he taught me. Unknowingly. Our spirits..intertwined. Soul mates. Undeniably. We grow. I was sure. It just made sense.

So now you regret your decision. How convenient. After all the years and all of my tears, you want me back. As if you ever had me.

So you say you’re in love.

I Think I'm Falling in Love With You

I Think I’m Falling in Love With You

So you say you’re in love. He makes you feel on top of the world. You can feel your heart begin to explode with fire when you think of her. He is all your mind will allow you to focus on. Day in and day out, everything reminds you of her. You see a commercial he likes and you smile. You see a car like hers and look to see if she’s driving. You send a text, just see what he is doing. You tell the boys “not tonight, I got something to do”, because you want to see her again. Imagining his touch starts a chill and everything begins to tingle. Her silhouette, when you close your eyes. Ooooh, his scent. Mmmm, her fragrance. Intoxicating. Right now, I can not see myself with anyone else. Ooooh, this feeling.

When we say we are in love, we see all in that person we imagined could be. All of their faults mean nothing. Any differences, we can work them out. All we want to do is be with that them, because it feels so damn good. Your friends are telling you, ‘Slow down, pay attention. That’s not you!’. But you tell them to mind their business, the only person that has to live with this is me. Which is totally true. In some cases, we lose friends and family over being in love.

Being in love is deceiving. It leads you into a false sense of security, trust, and bad decision-making. I am not saying love is bad. No, not all. Love is a beautiful thing. Being in love is what will confuse you. How many times have you fallen in love? For most of us, more than once. Admit it. We find ourselves falling in and out of love all of the time. We often hear, “I just don’t love them anymore” or “The love is gone”. The reality is it was never love. Once it is gone, we find it unchallenging to move on to another. Some of you are looking for your next catch by Valentine’s Day right now!

To love is much different. Love is not something easily gained or lost. It does not ignore faults. It sees faults and embraces them. It does not only think of its gain, it is more concerned with the other. Love does not have personal agendas. It is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, as stated in the Holy Bible. I have heard people say, ‘I love them, but I am not in love with them’. Usually these people are confused as to the two. The fact is they may have love for them, do not love them. If you need them they may help you, if then can. If you call, they may answer. You have history, so they may not treat you badly. That is not love. That is history, respect, or love for them. They were correct in saying the ‘in love’ phase is gone, but there was never any real love.

Love is gained through time, committment, and trust. It is more than the one to two years, or more, courtship. It is so much more than considering finances, what your kids will look like, or what they bring to the table. It is waking up together, after the butterflies and explosions have subsided and you realize, I still can not live without you. It is not afraid of committment. It does not see who they are now, but who they will be in the future. It is committing to taking on the world, together. It does not fail. Being in love will lead you to failure, every time.

Companionship is a good thing. It is natural. It is how we choose our selective mates. Just understand our mate is not every tingly feeling that exposes itself to our hearts. Just as animals, our species’ mating ritual is to court our prey. Whether with gifts, money, time, or sweet talking. It is our nature. This does not mean we are to be the chosen mate. It only means we have jump-started our mating ritual. Wait until that feeling has subsided. Access the situation for what it really is. That is when you will know if its love.

Love is the only reason..

Love in a BoxOne friend wanted to know a real good reason besides “love” to work things out!!” I Corinthians 13:4-7 defines love in its truest state. To start with loving someone, you must first have God completely in control of this relationship. Alignment with God is necessary to be aligned with a mate, otherwise it will fail. Then you must ask yourself if your relationship embodies the verses said with the person you are with to decide IF you truly love that person. If you can accomplish those things.. then love is all that matters. A relationship built on anything will fail..

Rob and I have now been together for five years. For about three of them, I repeatedly told him a relationship couldn’t survive on love alone. That we needed to be financially stable, he had to accomplish certain things, etc. Fact is, I was dealing with insecurity. Deep in me, I wasn’t ready for what he had to offer. I also knew he wasn’t ready either. We both had to grow in our own rights. None of which had anything to do with what really mattered.

We eventually began to grow closer in Christ. We did increase our church presence, but it wasn’t about that. We began to apply what our Pastor was teaching and found when we followed the Word, God blessed our relationship and I, for one, understood what love really meant for the first time. I truly embodies what the scripture says. Your tongue becomes tame, you don’t seek validation, you truly become one; realizing what is done to the other, is also done to you. My understanding of relationships have been elevated, hence my reason for marrying.

It is love that will get you through the money issues, failed jobs and accomplishments, and life changes. It is love that will keep you when your body changes or loss a limb. Change is inevitable, but love is constant. Rob’s parents taught him one of the keys to maintaining a relationship is “ensuring at least one person loves at all times”. It matters. If both stop loving, that’s the beginning of a failed relationship; or maybe it has already failed. Love helped us to change because we wanted the best for each other.

So I started with asking if you can accomplish I Corinthians 13:4-7 with this person. AND.. if this is the same thing received. If this is truly love, then your relationship is worth fighting for. In other words, there is no other reason but love, to work things out.

The mind of the elderly..

Elderly CoupleToday, while enjoying lunch with my husband and oldest son, I noticed a late-model Buick LeSabre that seemed to be in mint condition. It was green and had no scrapes or nicks. The body was flawless and shined as if it were just washed. In the front seat was an elderly couple. The husband drove, what seemed to be their grandchildren. We later learned it was a couple, maybe a grandchild and their date. As they exited the car, I could see the interior of their car was impeccable. Only the seats, interior doors, and dashboard were visible, but it was enough to know the car was well-taken care of.

After they all got out of the car, my attention brought me to the elder couple who was at least 70 years old. Their behavior intrigued me and I smiled at their show affection. Once arriving near each other, they quickly held hands and walked toward the establishment proudly. Now basking in the ambience of their lasting love, it was their pride that most intrigued me. It was a certain aura about them, that had nothing to do with race or class. The closest similarity I can describe is the pride of Americans shortly in the 60’s.

The United States citizens took pride in what they produced, their surroundings, their households and themselves. They understood the value of hard work. Business owners stood behind their products. Sure, there was disparity between races, crime equivalent to their times, and the “American Pie” seemed distant to many low-class Americans. But people still had values and morales. Those who could own stores, paper routes, warehouse jobs, and positions we could not even fathom, knew the craftsmanship was done with finesse and care.

I talked to my husband and son about how America has changed. The funny thing is, none of us were old enough to have lived in that era. However, growing up in the seventies has afforded my husband and I the opportunity to see some of the life that still represented that era. No longer are the family owned corner store owners that knew your first name and could trust your bill will be paid on your next payday. Gone are the car manufactures that believe what they build is supposed to last. Now we get warranties for everything from electronics, to vehicles and tires, to appliances and homes. Pride in craftsmanship and personal property, care for neighbors and your neighborhood, and believe in standing for something; that is what is gone. People do not cherish relationships, care for their neighbors, or carry a set of values and morales they can reflect on situations.

We were all looking to the future, screaming for change. We are bearing arms and preparing for war against our brothers and sisters. We constantly state, behind closed doors, “it is not my problem”. We live in excess, forgetting our values and morals to have the most stuff; never caring for the things already acquired. Granted there are some things in the past, we would all wish never happened; but some are worth remembering and repeating. Chivalry, respect for self and others, care, and value in the things that represent you: God, family, home, and others.

That couple represented all that was good in people. From the moment their car rolled into the parking lot, I could see the pride in their car. How they exited the car and held hands, they were still partners in the struggle. How the elder male held the door while the family entered, he insisted he be alpha male and ensure everyone was cared for. And even how the elder wife waited few steps into the restaurant, while her husband held the door. Despite the difference my husband and I have with this couple, it was refreshing to see what my husband and I could aspire to be in years to come.